Thursday, November 7, 2013

My Boyfriend Is Wealthy But Stingy What Do I Do?

Diamond Readers Please help this lady...

Dear Diamond Readers, i'm sure you must have read this somewhere else, someone referred me to this website and Diamond is really doing well to keep you entertained i have a problem and please i need answers I have been dating my "boyfriend" for over a year. The relationship has been okay. Despite his busy work schedule, school and intense study schedule for his BAR Exams he made out time for us to hang out here and there. From what I could see thus far, he's a very hard working, well educated and ambitious Igbo man. And above all, during the periods we hung out, his phone was never off limits. I could freely check his calls, text messages and emails. Said access assured his transparency.


As you read this, you probably wondered why I wanted to dissolve a relationship with a man who embodied these rare qualities.
Well, I felt as though he found it difficult to spend sufficient amount of money on me. When we went on dates, he usually paid 75% of the times. I paid here and there because I could afford to. And I don't want him to get the impression that I'm a leech or a mooch. However, apart from the miserable Birthday gift he gave me and the bouquet of flowers he got me after Valentines days. When I subtly updated my Facebook status with complaint regarded my disappointment about the lack of gift(s) I received on Val's day. He then got me the flowers and took me on a date that weekend.

The height of my worries came from the fact that, I'm currently preparing to visit Nigeria for Christmas. I told him about my desire to visit home. I opened my mouth to ask him to help me pay for my flight ticket. He told me he would pay the full amount. But I told him all I needed was a contribution from him. I sincerely would feel uncomfortable. And would not impose nor expect him to drop $2k plus for my flight ticket. So, we agreed he would give me something towards it. Mind you, he would also be in Naija this Christmas. And had already bought his ticket.

The first month came and left but still he didn't give me a dime. I angrily went ahead and paid for my flight since the price steadily increased daily. I decided to withhold letting him know that I had already paid for my flight. When we spoke earlier last week, I jokingly mentioned about how I was disappointed he had not given me his contribution towards my flight ticket. He acted as if we never discussed my Naija trip. I'm convinced the money was not the issue. His family is very well to do in Nigeria and he could comfortably afford to.

The reason why this affected me to this length was because I NEVER asked him for money/financial assistance since we had been dating. I could humbly afford my needs and necessities. And my mother raised me not to ask/beg people for money or anything, to always fend for myself. But my boyfriend as been currently bringing up the idea of us getting married. He planed to propose once he has been called to Bar. But, I'm worried over the fact that he found it extremely difficult to spend money on me. Anyways, I had decided to be patient and give him time. If he failed to give me the money towards my flight, I would leave for my Naija trip without telling him. And would refuse to meet and spend time with him while we're both in Naija. And he could consider our relationship over once we both return to North America after the holidays.


Am I being unreasonable? Or would you consider my worries to be trivial? I mean, many of my Naija babes had men who took care and spoiled them. Many even had men who they were barely dating pay for their flights to Naija in full. But my own boyfriend could not give me a penny towards mine. Ihea anaghi ato'm amu/ochi.

31 comments:

  1. the truth is that any man who loves a woman will spend his money on her no matter how small....of course a sensible woman will not only wait for the man to spend on her but will make her contribution.....all you insulting this girl are stupid and dont know what you are saying.....even if a man earns 5k a month he must bring out something to the family,s upkeep.....any sensible man knows that and will tell you that is what makes him a man....
    my dear if you feel he is stingy watch him well and if he doesn't spend leave the relationship cos he will not change when you marry him....and please what is all this bullshit about a man testing you to see if you love him for his money or not? arrant nonsense.....if somebody is greedy you can always tell if you are observant...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Longest comment ever coming from knorr

      Delete
  2. MadM your boyfriend is spending elsewhere... Its just not on you.. Or maybe he is saving the money to "show" his grandchildren because I know as he is stingy he wuld'nt still give them

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  3. I have things to say to u BT I'm afraid they are not very polite

    ReplyDelete
  4. 2 things I got from ur mail; U live in Canada and you are visiting Nigeria.

    We have heard you. Safe Journey.

    BTW nobody who lives in USA says " when we get back to North America..."

    ReplyDelete

  5. Father Lord, divert such tests away from me IJNA. My dear, discuss it with him. I can see you aren't the greedy type. But ur needs must be met, if u consider marrying this guy. Any guy who sees u a priority will treat u as such. A guy who can't love and treat u the way a brother should love and treat a sister isn't worth being ur husband. If u were his younger sister, would he let u buy ticket on ur own? If u marry a stingy man u will suffer oooh. S-U-F-F-E-R! Leave all those ones

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  6. Very funny comments, Diamond Readers una too much, u've all said it all...

    ReplyDelete
  7. My dear, I will not even advice you to waste your time with a stingy person. You will end up in a parasitic and one sided relationship.
    Yoruba will say ''omo to ba ma je ashamu, ati kekere lo ti ma senu shamu shamu'' literally translates to you being wise enough to know that the signs you see now will become reality when you get married.


    My dear, just so you know, a stingy person is not only stingy, they are also selfish and self centered. A lot of things can go wrong in your relationship. At the end of the day, a woman and a man have their roles to play in a relationship. By the time you marry him and he finds out you earn more than him, trust me you are in for it. Until he helps you spend your money to the last kobo you will not rest. He will not directly tell you to spend your money on him, but he will remind you of collective things relating to you both and beneficial to you both and how you have been lacking something in the house or how he feels or thinks it would be nice to have something done or bought. Without realising it you become a silent maga and by the time you try to wake up and invest in something for your future and the kids you realise you are already living the future!!

    If you end up beign out of a job, ahhhhhhhhhh!!! trust me you are in for it, you will practically explain why you need to be given a kobo to make your hair, you will have to explain how the foodstuff didnt last for 3 months and why you need to buy toilet roll when water is a better option.

    Strangely ,enough you will realise that he is infact spending his money outside, it might not even be necessarily on women but he will keep trying to create a non existent image for himself leaving much to be desired back home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Lesbian boy... I fear your comment die! are you a therapist or something. I have never complained about my marital issues with anyone on the face of this planet, but you just summed up my life and marriage to the letter. My husband does not spend on me, paints a very fake image of himself to the outside world like he is a good husband and dad, will always find a way for me to pay a good number of bills and find a way to make me use my money for my child's extra curricular activities. My goodness, if I didnt know you were in the UK, I would think you are a very observant family member of mine!

      Delete
  8. My dear, your first priority right now should be improving on your English Language. Now to the main issue.....Why should your boyfriend have to pay for things for you? He isn't your husband. Your parents should be responsible for your welfare.

    I am assuming you are an adult since you are old enough to date. Do you work? If that is the case, your parent's responsibility should reduce and you should contribute towards taking care of yourself.

    Until he decides to marry you, he is under no obligation whatsoever to take care of you. The occasional buying of gifts and taking you out (if he does) is a privilege and not a right!! Why on earth will you expect him to buy you a ticket? That should be taken care of by either you or your parents!

    I am a woman and I do not support woman leeching or living off men. No man wants a liability as a wife. I hope you won't scare him away with your demands.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a regular blog visitor, dis is my first time commenting, I've never commented but ur foolishness nd stupidity has pushed me to d wall........forgive me but ur a very stupid man....*i don't care if u claim to be a woman* dat even makes it worse. Ur very ignorant, na ur type dem dey cheat right under dia nose nd u cnt do anything cos ur weak, nd don't know ur right......its her parents right to takia of her wen she has a bf/fiancee, wat den mkes him a man? D right to be sleeping with her wen dia not yet married abi.....it cud aswell be d right of his parents to takia of dat aspect of his life......probably his mother.......nonsense......*eyesrolling badly*

      Delete
  9. If the dude really gives a hooth about u u don't need to ask for him to provide.. He's comfortable as u say so it shouldn't make him bald to care for someone he considers his missing ribs.. I know it might be difficult to leave especially if you've invested a lot of time and resources in it but sometimes u gotta keep ur feelings apart and use the brains.. I got 3 words for ya... "Let him go"
    Best wishes
    From Benue

    ReplyDelete
  10. E don reach stingy boyfrnd all d gals don comment........wotabut d gals way dey stingy 4 d oda side.........u can't sxcept d guy 2 giv wen u dnt giv also..........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank u very much for this comment... I'm a corper and I earn 24800k in ttl my so called corper gf earns 29800k in ttl... Bur she is always asking me for money and I keep on giving her witout me hitting dat box ( she claims she wants to re-kip herself till december, bur I know she Is sleeping around), till on day she frustrated me by asking for 5k hair money, I refused and she pulled d plugs calling me names... Stupid igbo girl I hope she gets d dreaded disease.

      Delete
  11. At anonymous 10;11. That an igbo girl played u doesn't mean that u will generalise it. So if u don't know what to comment, keep ur mouth shut. Mtchewwwww.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are in for a lifetime of struggle and misery if you continue in such undeserving love affair. I just pity the wife of this man because she will SUFFER without being noticed. I'm surprised he is not a Yoruba man!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my!please run with your life from a stingy man,i have been married to one for 7yrs and we have 3 kids,its hell...and a few friends of mine with stingy husbands are in the constant struggle.My hubby earns almost 2m naira monthly and yes I work but earn about 350k monthly,when he spends 2k or 1k on me maybe because we are out and I left my wallet at home,he reminds me at home and takes it back..most times I feel so sick I throw up...gosh

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my!please run with your life from a stingy man,i have been married to one for 7yrs and we have 3 kids,its hell...and a few friends of mine with stingy husbands are in the constant struggle.My hubby earns almost 2m naira monthly and yes I work but earn about 350k monthly,when he spends 2k or 1k on me maybe because we are out and I left my wallet at home,he reminds me at home and takes it back..most times I feel so sick I throw up...gosh

    ReplyDelete
  15. I saw this post and said to myself if I do not comment it would ve on fair too me, let nobody test me cause u will fail, don't you dare marry a stingy man, cos u would hate ur entire existence, cos even at the end u will go to he'll cos u would ve lost track of the lies u must ve told to him to make him drop, still he won't drop. God forbids, as I speak I am dating one myself when he goes out he would buy only one bottle of teem. Meanwhile u are 2 in the house, very stingy, nothing you do would make him bulge not even to say argh darl take this money to take care yourself never, he would lie from heaven to hell. I ve dated a guy who did not ve a job honestly d small 10k he has he would share with me, on his own he would say take 5k go and make ur hair it made me really happy cos I know if he has more he would do more. This has but stingy. I am just waiting patiently, and they never change . I ve set my timer

    ReplyDelete
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